Milk reservations

I wrote this a while back, but never posted it on the blog. So, here it is --

I have a news item to report. Yesterday, I proposed milk reservations (besides others), and NDTV/Star news etc. interviewed me. The text of the interview follows:

Reporter: Mr. Kautilya, so what exactly are your proposing?
Kautilya: I am proposing that 50% of the milk sold in the market be reserved for progeny of the SC/STs and OBCs.

Reporter: But, why milk?
Kautilya: [Arrogantly, I look down on the reporter as if he is an earthworm in my backyard] What? You don’t understand the importance of milk? You upper caste guys who have always easily gotten milk no longer think of its importance. I think…

Reporter: I am not upper caste…
Kautilya: Don’t interrupt me. [I am fuming at the insolence of this guy. Interrupting the all knowing Kautilya.. What was he thinking?] Where was I? Oh yes… As I was saying, I think the reason for the backwardness of some castes is the lack of nutritious food. Imagine if the children of these castes always got enough milk; won’t they become healthier and more productive citizens? And, by becoming more productive they will improve their and Indian economy’s condition.

Reporter: Can you give us more details about your proposal?
Kautilya: Yes, of course. See, the problem in today’s society is that 100% of the milk is reserved for those with money. Think of the absurdity of that. So, my proposal is to reduce that reservation to 50%. This way 50% of the milk will be given away free to the backward castes, and rest 50% can be bought by people with money.

Reporter: But, will this not increase the price of milk for those who have to pay? Since they have to compensate for those who don’t have to pay
Kautilya: [In a condescending tone] What an idiotic question… How, does that matter? People with money already have enough to spend; surely they can spend more on milk.

Reporter: But, will that not reduce the demand for milk, since it will be more expensive?
Kautilya: And, so what? It will free up more milk to be distributed for free.

Reporter: Sir that is not going to be the case if the demand is reduced. With reduction of demand comes reduction of supply. See, if somebody was planning to buy a cow for selling milk, he will instead now probably buy a hen for selling eggs, or do something else with the money. This is the case, since other opportunities where things are not given away for free will get more profitable. This will surely reduce the supply of milk as time goes by. This reduced supply will make the milk even more expensive for those who have to pay. What about kids of those people?
Kautilya: [Laughing at the absurdity of the situation] You think I haven’t thought of that? Do I look stupid? The solution is so simple and obvious that if you had looked under your nose you would have found it. In any case, I will tell you. The solution is to simply make the milk sellers sell the milk for cheaper… the bloody profiteers. We will put a ceiling on the price that the milk sellers can charge. That way the quota guys can get it for free, while the money paying guys will get it for cheap. See it was so simple [ I smile smugly]

Reporter: Sir, but that is not going to work either. This will only make the milk sellers even more unprofitable, and reduce the supply of milk quicker and create a huge black market for the milk.

Kautilya: [Angry] You bloody upper caste guys… you don’t want the backward castes to rise. Do you?
Reported: Sir, as I said, I am not upper caste… I was just trying to discuss the proposal with some counter arguments. In any case, we are running out of time, so do you have any closing remarks?

Kautilya: Yes, of course, After this set of reservations are successful, I am going to propose reservations for short people. I think short people are discriminated against in this society. I read some statistics that said that each inch of extra height adds to the income irrespective of the income/education background [Note: true statistic by the way]. So, I am going to propose reservations for short people in jobs. That is going to be my next mission.

Reporter: Well, we have come to the end of our conversation with Kautilya, so let’s go back to the studio and get the latest news on what Aishwarya is up to, since that is more interesting and creates higher TRP’s anyway. Who cares about debating the future of India?

P.S. If you haven’t figured it out already, this is made up--just to show the absurdity of the reservation situation. Milk or private sector education quota, it is the same deal.

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